Finally, after three whole episodes, we have the beginnings of a showdown between two women! What more could you want from your reality television, really?
This week’s episode of The Bachelor brought us the end of the pool party debacle, a catty rose ceremony, the first week of travel for the remaining women, two one-on-on dates and a group date, and a bunch of cow poop. It was gold. It glittered in the sun. This show always blesses us. I am grateful we have such nonsense to distract us from the real world.
So the beginning of the episode marked the end of the pool party, where no less than half the women (probably) talked to Nick about Corinne. This included Raven and Vanessa, who were shown talking to him in relative depth about Corinne. I think this is significant, but I’ll get more into that later. Where was Corinne during all of this? Napping, again. Seriously, I’m concerned that she has an iron deficiency, or a thyroid problem, or is just really entitled. It’s got to be one of the three.
By the time the rose ceremony arrived, Taylor and one of the other girls (I’m so bad with names, I’m sorry) confronted Corinne while she was still in her pajamas from her nap and in her bed, about how bad her actions look to the other women. I shit you not, Corinne said “why are they so obsessed with me?”
Corinne feels like she’s safe because she grinded on Nick in the bouncy castle, but she ends up getting the very last rose of the night. Many women are unhappy. I think Nick just wants to get some before he sends her home. I guess we’ll have to wait and see. And then! Chris Harrison tells the women that they are traveling for the first time this week! And where are they going? Waukesha, Wisconsin, which just so happens to be Nick’s hometown! Hurray! Cheese and beer!
Date #1: One-on-One with Danielle L. in Nick’s hometown
The first one-on-one date of the week goes to Danielle L. I like her more and more each week! They wander through Waukesha, stop at a bakery where the people know Nick, hang out with one of his ex-girlfriends for a bit, and then sit on a hill above a football field to hang out or something. I got a little bored. Blah blah blah, they share some feelings, she gets the rose. Yawn. There are better things to come.
Date #2: Cow Tipping or Something
Y’all, this group date was my dream come true. And when I say that, I mean it was my dream to watch a bunch of super done-up girls in expensive boots and belly shirts milk cows and scoop hay and poop. Seriously, it was good TV. (Remember that show when Paris Hilton and her friend who used to be with the guy from Good Charlotte went to a farm? GOOD TV, I’M TELLING YOU. Also, why can’t I remember anyone’s names?) Not surprisingly, Jaimi is really good at milking the cows. I think the producers are trying to play up the fact that she’s queer and has been in a relationship with at least one girl. I kind of hate that they’re doing that—LGBTQ+ people aren’t sideshows, they’re just people. But maybe she was just really good at milking the cow and I’m reading into it. Who knows, really. Also not surprisingly, Corinne bailed on the dirty work and sat and watched. She tried to say that her she lost feeling in her hand (lies) and that it was a serious medical condition (LIES), but the other women saw through her immediately. Kristina, sweet, innocent Kristina, even gets into an argument with Corinne on camera and refuses to back down, even when Corinne says that she’s mean! What a terrible thing to say! *eye roll*
Anyway. Kristina gets the group date rose, which makes me do the evil villain laughter while Corinne says how offended she is, since Kristina personally attacked her. Whatever, white girl. No is going to take you seriously as an adult when you say “poopy.”
Date #3: One-on-One with Raven and Nick’s sister
The last date of the week is another one-on-one between Raven and Nick. Raven hadn’t really stood out to me much until last week, when she appeared to be one of the first to confront Nick about Corinne. That made me like her because she’s just ballsy and confident and exactly Nick’s type. This week proved it too. They first went to Nick’s little sister’s soccer game (ADORABLE), then to a roller rink, where Raven had a nice chat with Nick’s sister, Bella. Also, Nick kept skating by doing funny stuff while they talked, and I enjoyed it so much because it was like he let his guard down. Finally, right? I’ve been waiting for Bachelor in Paradise Nick to come back out in the open. I liked him best.
In the evening, Nick and Raven have a serious chat about how Raven was cheated on by her ex, but it taught her a lot about herself. I can appreciate that. Also, she beat him over the head with the other girl’s stiletto, which I just LOVED. You go, girl. She gets the rose, of course.
Alexis is back! She didn’t actually go anywhere, but she’s hardly ever on screen these days, which I’m taking as an omen, but whatever. Anyway, she is terrified of aliens. And of all the women in the house, she thinks that Raven is most likely to be an alien. Really? Raven? You didn’t go with Corinne??? (I could totally see Corinne being an alien!)
I’m cringing as I write this, just so you all know. There is one point where the producers coach Corinne to be in the hallway while the girls are talking about her, so that she overhears. It was pretty obvious that it was staged, but still, she did hear the girls say some things that didn’t agree with her. Things like that she’s immature, that she’s not ready for marriage, etc. It could have been worse, that’s all I’m saying. Anyway. The we cut to Corinne in one of her interviews. And she grabs her own boobs, pushes them up and in so they look huge, and goes, “does THIS look immature to you?!”
Uh. Yeah. It does. *shakes head*
Vanessa is still my favorite. She’s mature, she’s smart, she’s Nick’s type, and she calls him on his shit. Vanessa five-ever. But this week also brought out some gems in terms of the personalities of some of the other girls. Raven, when she was telling Nick how she beat her ex over the head with a stiletto? I’M HERE FOR IT. Taylor trying to explain emotional intelligence to Corinne in her Mental Health Counselor voice? SIGN ME UP. Kristina telling Corinne that she’s actually fine, doesn’t have a health condition, and is just entitled. SERIOUSLY, WHERE DO I SIGN UP? We didn’t get a lot of either Rachel or Danielle M. this week, but they’re still high on my list too. I will say that, while I loved Taylor’s conversation with Corinne because it was just excellent television, I don’t know that Taylor is right for Nick. Appearance-wise, she’s more in his wheelhouse than Corinne is. But she’s only 23. He’s a 36 year old man. That giant 13 year gap is more than half her life. That’s all I’m saying.
Enemy of the State
Corinne has to be playing a character, right? This isn’t her real personality? It’s hard to say when you’re watching this on TV, but she’s clearly still the enemy of the state right now. She just keeps getting more and more cray cray and entitled-sounding as the show goes on, and no one is loving it.
Although… one of the other blonds was on Corinne’s side of the Taylor affair. I can’t remember who she is (and I’m done including the links to the girls, y’all, you can look them up at this point) because she’s had so little screen time, but it makes me wonder if maybe Taylor isn’t getting along with everyone either. Curious. Very curious. Chris Harrison teased at the end of the episode that either Taylor or Corinne wouldn’t last the week—I wonder which it will be?? (I’m predicting right now that Taylor will be the one to go home, because Nick didn’t save the drama for his mama or his llama, he saved it for Corinne.)
The two brunettes (shocker!) that went home this week were Christen and Brittany. Christen, if you remember, was the one who Liz confided in about sleeping with Nick. She’s also saving herself for marriage, which isn’t Nick’s thing (obvi), so it was probably just that they weren’t a good fit. And Brittany was the Eve bride, who wore nearly nothing while being photographed next to Nick, who was also in nearly nothing. Such a connection they had. Ah well.
The Bachelor airs on Mondays at 8/7c on ABC.
Images/ (1) ABC; (2) Tumblr; (3) ABC; (4) ABC