In the tenth week of watching Nick as The Bachelor, we finally get a rose ceremony at the end of an episode. Unfortunately, the episode was still goofy and cut in half, because OF COURSE IT WAS.
If you’ll remember last week’s episode of The Bachelor, we left off with Nick and Raven going to bed to do some making out, with the assumption that they’ll become lovers in the nighttime (since they were talking about ~*oRgAsMs*~ and all). That’s… basically all you need to know going into this episode. Rachel and Vanessa still need to have their ~*FaNtAsY sUiTe*~ dates.
Raven’s Sunshiny Day
When the episode opens, it’s already the morning after Nick and Raven’s ~*FaNtAsY sUiTe*~ date. They kiss goodbye, whatever, and then Raven is shown walking down the street in the sunshine, saying hello to the wildlife while a peppy song plays in the background.
So. I’m thinking that’s supposed to mean that she had her ~*oRgAsM*~. Guh, I didn’t need to know that…
Rachel Can’t Cross-Country Ski
The next date is with Rachel. They spend some time doing outdoor activities, cross-country skiing and petting some reindeer. It’s a pretty fun looking date, I’m not going to lie, although Rachel has some trouble… mostly stemming from the fact that she’s never cross-country skied before.
They have a nice talk at the end of the evening where Rachel finally tells Nick that she loves him. Then they go to the ~*FaNtAsY sUiTe*~ to become lovers in the nighttime. And in the morning, Nick makes eggs. It’s pretty cute and normal looking, all around.
Vanessa Won’t Compromise
Vanessa’s date with Nick starts out on a pretty light-hearted note—they get matching swimsuits and jump into an ice bath together… multiple times.
They’re cute and seem like a really good fit together. They have more serious conversation with each other in the hot tub, including, at one point, Nick telling Vanessa that she’s traditional and he’s not. A weird thing to say, and she gets defensive, saying that yeah, she is, and she’s not compromising her traditions of seeing her family every single Sunday. Oof. I’m totally cool with people who have strong family traditions, but I’m with Nick on this one (once he finally explains himself better). He says he wants to make sure that the person he’s with puts the family they’re making together ahead of the extended family. Fair. I’m not sure Vanessa agrees—she never says explicitly either way. But no matter—they also head to the ~*FaNtAsY sUiTe*~ to become lovers in the nighttime. But she does not get eggs in the morning. Does that mean something?
And then there’s a rose ceremony at the end! My excitement might give away that I’m a bit traditional too, I guess?
Um. There wasn’t a lot of humor in this episode. But watching Nick and Vanessa repeatedly get into the freezing ice bath thing was kind of amusing. Nick didn’t seem to be enjoying it much, though (shrinkage, I’d assume).
I DID NOT NEED TO KNOW THAT MUCH ABOUT RAVEN’S LIFE. Also, come on, did she sign off on all of this? Her very first ~*oRgAsM*~ didn’t need to be publicly paraded like it was. I know it was supposed to be funny, but I didn’t laugh at all.
When I was watching this episode, my favorite was Rachel. Obviously—she’s the best. But since we know she’s not going to end up with Nick (because she’s the next Bachelorette!), I had trouble watching her whole overnight date. Honestly, I didn’t love either Raven or Vanessa in this episode, and I’m not sure which is the better fit for Nick.
- She’s near his age
- She’s very intelligent
- They have both a physical connection and an intellectual connection
- She’s a Canadian citizen
- She won’t compromise on visiting her family for dinner every single Sunday, which means they’d basically have to live in Montreal
- She’s fun, and makes Nick have fun
- They seem like a good fit
- They have a fiery physical connection
- She’s way younger than him (11 years, I think)
- She’s from and rooted in a tiny town in Arkansas, which is where her businesses are
They each have three pros and two cons, so I’m not sure what to make of what might happen in the next episode. I’m sure it will be very dramatic, though—right Chris Harrison?
Enemy of the State
This is no longer applicable until we get into Rachel’s season of The Bachelorette, because the women don’t really interact anymore. Until I recap the Women Tell All, in which case, basically the whole thing is an Enemy of the State situation.
As I was hoping for, Rachel was sent home.
But I want to reiterate that it isn’t because I don’t love Rachel—I do! But if she hadn’t gone home, the finale wouldn’t have been a surprise, and that would have been lame. So. Now she gets to get ready to be the Bachelorette, and I’m HERE FOR IT.
Stay tuned—a separate recap of the Women Tell All will follow this very shortly!
The season finale of The Bachelor will air on Monday March 13, 2017 at 8/7c for a special three-hour finale—two hours of episode and one hour of After the Final Rose.
Images/ (6) Giphy